IT SEEMED LIKE A BAD IDEA AT THE TIME
The Worst TV Shows in History and Other Things I Wrote
by Bruce Vilanch
Chicago Review Press
224 pages, $28.99
IN It Seemed Like a Bad Idea at the Time, veteran comedy writer Bruce Vilanch shares stories of a life spent crafting legendarily campy TV shows and other media projects, giving details of his involvement and the stars and creative teams he worked with. He wrote for many types of shows, from variety TV to movies, stage musicals, award shows, and even a modeling competition.
In the book, Vilanch provides a robust selection of blunders, beginning with The Star Wars Holiday Special. This production, from Thanksgiving 1978, was meant to whet the viewer’s appetite while the second movie in the franchise was being made. Star Wars creator George Lucas provided the main story, which featured a furry family of Wookiees who communicated through hand-waving, pointing, and grunting (sounding, Vilanch remarks, “like fat people having orgasms”). Vilanch and other writers added comedic and musical elements to break up this bizarre plot, with guest stars that included Art Carney, Diahann Carroll, Harvey Korman (as a many-armed chef in drag and as a malfunctioning robot), and Bea Arthur (as a singing tavern owner). Vilanch recounts how he kept moving one anatomically comical alien closer to Arthur during her song, until, flinging her arms at the climax, she knocked him down, prompting a hilarious line that could not appear in the broadcast version.
The Paul Lynde Halloween Special included guest star Florence Henderson singing and acting and the band Kiss playing three songs, as well as silly sketches featuring Lynde in colorful outfits. They changed the title of the big dance number from “Disco Lady” to “Disco Baby,” as the lyrics were otherwise too suggestive. Vilanch describes Lynde as a “flavor,” perfect as a supporting actor but overwhelming as a lead. The Brady Bunch Hour presented the famous family as celebrities performing a variety show that featured song-and-dance numbers, including a tank of synchronized swimmers. The deeply closeted Robert Reed, playing dad Mike Brady, dreaded rehearsals, except for one episode in which he wore a Carmen Miranda costume. The show appeared so irregularly that audiences tended to forget how ridiculous its premise was.
Vilanch worked on the Village People movie Can’t Stop the Music, constantly rewriting the lead female part to showcase the talents of not-yet-cast stars Olivia Newton-John and Cher, both of whom passed on the role. The Village People’s lead singer also pulled out of the movie (and the band itself). The stage musical Platinum seemed promising, with an older Hollywood musical star romancing a young rock-and-roll musician, but it closed after 33 performances. The music included Broadway-style numbers mixed with rock, so that audiences that enjoyed one genre tended to hate the other. In one of Vilanch’s few sad stories, he recalls writing new material for musical actress Dorothy Loudon, part of the revue Three. Sadly, she could not move beyond her dated but familiar act to try something new, and the show closed after nine performances.
Despite the book’s title, Vilanch clearly had fun writing these shows. He also enjoyed spending time with other talented people, sometimes outrageously, as when he checked out comedy legend Milton Berle in the men’s room to find out whether rumors of his penis size were true. Intended for younger generations encountering the shows online, Vilanch’s book provides much background, sometimes in funny footnotes, on all the people he includes, even Bob Hope (whose nickname for Vilanch was “Mansfield,” because when he first met Vilanch, he remarked that “the last time I saw tits that big on a blonde was Jayne Mansfield”). Those more familiar with the era will appreciate his knowledge of lesser-known figures, like producer Allan Carr, best remembered today for planning the disastrous 1989 Oscars broadcast. With a conversational style, the book feels like gossipy brunch with a witty friend.
