Becoming Nicole: The Transformation
of an American Family
by Amy Ellis Nutt
Random House. 279 pages, $27.
WHEN Wayne and Kelly Maines adopt twin sons, Jonas and Wyatt, it’s as if the American Dream has fallen into their laps. Kelly is eager for motherhood, while Wayne, a sporty outdoorsman, now has two boys to hunt and roughhouse with. Jonas and Wyatt are inseparable, but Wyatt gravitates toward Barbies and all things pink in addition to romping with his brother. When he confesses to his dad—at all of two years old—that he hates his penis, the family realizes this is not a phase that will eventually pass. (Note: None of the Maines family used female pronouns until the twins were in fifth grade and Wyatt legally changed her name to Nicole. The book follows that timeline, as does this review, which additionally hews to the language used in the book, e.g. reassignment versus confirmation surgery, etc.)
Pulitzer Prize winning author Amy Ellis Nutt reports on the Maines’ experience with a detachment that allows us to sympathize with everyone involved. Kelly throws herself into learning the implications of having a transgender child and advocating for Wyatt’s safety in school, while Wayne struggles to accept what’s happening, spending hours chopping wood, running, or swimming to clear his head. Jonas, and for that matter all of Wyatt’s school friends, accept the situation at face value. It’s only when a boy in school is goaded by his grandfather to harass Wyatt over his use of the girls’ bathroom that things take a dark turn for the family.
Forced to move and ultimately to sue the school district that failed to protect their children, the family is, as the title indicates, transformed by their journey. Their rural Maine community is generally easygoing, but a religious group in town fans the flames of dissent and leaves the Maines clan feeling unsafe. Nicole’s early forays into researching her condition lead her to the story of murdered trans teen Gwen Araujo. She sometimes despairs of being alone forever, but the risks of close involvement can literally be life or death. Jonas feels a loss of identity beyond being his sister’s protector and begins to drift in school. It is Wayne who finally steps up and makes crucial sacrifices, staying behind to work miles away from the family and visiting on weekends, then testifying in front of the state legislature to make the ridiculous but necessary assertion that forcing his daughter into a boys’ restroom could be highly unsafe, whereas she posed no threat to other girls: she’s transgender, not a predator in a pink top. His initial fear about his extended family’s response is met with kindness and earnest attempts to navigate their new reality.
Kelly’s vigorous advocacy leads her to a therapist who walks Nicole through the maze of hormones, diverting her at the onset of male puberty and preparing her for reassignment surgery in due course. When that day comes, the family is together in the hospital, Jonas posting updates on Facebook, Nicole indulging her flair for the dramatic but coming through the surgery well. By the book’s end, both kids are in college and seem on track to lead productive lives.
In Nutt’s telling, this is the story of an American family as grounded in traditional values as they come, coming to grips with a situation that they were never prepared for. They rise to the challenge because they love their kids, and they are enriched for the effort. The bad guys here—particularly Paul Melanson, the grandfather who prods his grandson to bully Nicole on the ignorant belief that she’s asking for special privileges—expose themselves as clueless buffoons. They can be dangerous, to be sure, but mostly they’re just terrified of things they don’t understand. The Maines family offers an alternative approach rooted in kindness and common sense. Love and protect your children, and help them to become whoever they’re meant to be. Anyone struggling with that idea will find much to admire here. For those wanting more information there is a generous list of resources for further study.
_______________________________________________________________
Heather Seggel is a freelance writer and critic, currently living in Mendocino County, CA.
