Assisted Loving: True Tales about Double Dating with My Dad
by Bob Morris
Harper. 304 pages, $24.95
FOR TEN YEARS, Bob Morris’ mother, Ethel, suffered from a blood disease that made her weak and frail. She was a beauty in her day, and she loved to sing and dance, but the disease slowly stole these pleasures away. Although Morris missed her, he admits in Assisted Loving that her death was a bit of a relief, partly because he thought he wouldn’t have to play the role of caretaker anymore. His father Joe was independent and healthy, able to drive and care for himself.
Within months of his mother’s death, Morris realized, not without a small amount of horror, that his father was dating. With a ratio of ten widows for every seven widowers in the world, Joe Morris could have an active social life, and so he did. He dated women that he met through the on-line personals, having asked his son to help him in this endeavor. He had blind dates. He sought out attractive bridge partners. He wrote songs for some women and long letters to other women and friends. As for Bob, once he got used to the idea of his father having a love life, he offered advice and tried to make sure that his father didn’t get hurt. Bob Morris, after all, knew a few things about busted love affairs.
Once upon a time, a boy had broken his heart, and Morris was afraid of more pain as much as he feared being alone. While his father was wooing widows, Morris had a series of futureless one-date dates with men who were woefully wrong for him. As happy as he was for his father, he became more and more frustrated with everything about his own life, notably his lack of a relationship. And then love struck, unassisted, in the guise of the one man who didn’t let Bob run from his past or his future.
Assisted Loving is a charming and funny book that will make you smile at times and bring tears to your eyes at others. Bob Morris isn’t one to hold back much of anything. He’s happy to snarl about his father and his father’s bothersome habits, driving abilities, perceived neediness, and incorrigible messiness. He recounts the silly fights that the two of them had through the years, and he doesn’t spare us his feelings of regret.
Morris, a columnist for The New York Times “Sunday Styles” section, writes with tender exasperation about caring for his mother and about the good and bad memories he has of her. His personal introspection and filial guilt—related to both his parents—are so raw, and his insights so surprising, that many readers will feel a definite kinship with the author. The aggravating moments he has with his father are as entertaining as the touching ones. Readers who are currently on the dating merry-go-round will empathize with Morris’ bad dates and rocky relationships. While you know there just has to be a happy ending, the trials and tribulations before you get there make for an enjoyable read, particularly if you have an elderly parent or friend.
