Purity on Parade The biggest story of the past cycle was undoubtedly the ousting of several women from the Chicago Dyke March in July. Their crime: carrying rainbow flags on which were superimposed a Star of David. According to reports, on seeing the contingent the Dyke March Collective stopped the three flag bearers and questioned them about their views on Israel, trying to smoke out if they were anti-Palestinian (a major no-no). Also asserted was that their banner bore an Israeli flag, which also sports a Star of David, though it’s surprising that the Collective couldn’t see the distinction. Eventually, the women were judged to be insufficiently pro-Palestinian and told to leave; and things blew up from there on the blogosphere. For anyone in New York or Boston, this action brings to mind the many St. Patrick’s Day parades from which LGBT groups were excluded. Only now it seems to be not the presence of the group or even the flag they held but instead their ideological purity that got them thrown out—grist for the right-wing propaganda machine, to be sure, which lives for this kind of thing.
Ken Just Got a New Look! Lots of new looks, in fact: new body types (“slim,” “broad,” and “original”), new skin tones, and nine hair styles (including the man bun). And those outfits! Take the three Ken Dolls pictured here: you’ve got your basic surfer dude, a construction worker, and a jock—kind of like the various “macho” roles in the Village People, which were basically drag versions of a sailor, a policeman, et al. In Ken’s case, he can also be undressed (hold the jokes), and here the offer of three body designs is intriguing, as the many Barbie models must have different “types” when it comes to men. Then, too, if the rumors about Ken are true, there should be a range of types to choose from. Indeed it was always vaguely unsettling that two Kens stuffed into a toychest or dollhouse would each be making out with his clone.
The Vatican Rave A “drug-fueled gay orgy” is how the police report described what they found upon arriving at an address just outside Vatican City. Its host was a Catholic priest who was the personal secretary to Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio, one of Pope Francis’ top advisers. This isn’t the first time a Church official has gotten into trouble in approximately this way right under the Pope’s nose, but this guy decided to do it in style. Using his position under the Cardinal he managed to commandeer a special apartment that’s reserved for high-ranking Vatican officials but not support staff. To transport the drugs, he used a car with an official Vatican license plate, thereby avoiding inspection by Italian border police. He even seems to have worked in some symbolism: the elite apartment is located inside what was until recently the palace of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the office that strictly enforces Catholic dogma. Nicely executed!
“Man on Siri” Theory Voided The Utah Attorney General’s Office has stated in a court ruling that there is no constitutional right to marry one’s laptop computer. The rebuke was directed at one Chris Sevier, who has waged an ongoing legal battle to be allowed to do just that. That he litigated this thing all the way to the AG’s office is impressive: perhaps a lower judge saw the movie Her and bought the premise that one can fall in love with Siri. But, of course, this was a stunt lawsuit brought by an opponent of same-sex marriage who wanted to make a point. His case derived from the old saw that gay marriage will open the floodgates to people wanting to marry their Chihuahuas (recall Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum). That argument never got far with judges or normally intelligent people, as clearly the key ingredient to a marriage contract is consent, which is absent in a dog or a goat—or an inanimate object. Nor is Sevier alone in trying to create a reductio ad absurdum of marriage equality—one guy recently tried to marry himself—as a way to ridicule this newly acquired right. Still, one has to wonder whether it’s gay marriage that’s being ridiculed when, in defense of “traditional” marriage, the guy finds himself before a judge saying that he really, really wants to tie the knot with his laptop. And a footnote: Sevier has been accused of stalking by country music star John Rich. Now it’s starting to get weird.
Where the Boys Are From the annals of recent experience: a visit to Marshall’s to buy a pair of boxer briefs. Well, I can remember when the bulges on the packages were air-brushed so thoroughly that you wondered where the willies went. Today, of course, quite the opposite effect is cultivated. As luck would have it, minutes earlier I’d been in the locker room 
of the Boston Sports Club, where after showering all the (straight) men clutch their towels to their waists while struggling into their underpants lest their junk be exposed for an instant. There seems to be a disconnect here. In the media, even on prudish old TV, sex is everywhere: a dick joke for every sitcom, a shirtless hunk for every reality show. Back in real life, at the beach, the young men sport bathing suits that extend below the knees, similar to what they wear at the gym: baggy and black and unrevealing. Could it be that all this covering up is a response to the presence, real or imagined, of gay guys checking them out? The days of swimming nude at the Y are long gone; maybe it’s true that gay liberation ruined everything when it brought cruising into the open. Still, there could be another explanation. Most men in Speedos don’t look anything like the models on those labels or the dudes on reality TV. Going back to Victorian gym- and swimwear could just be a way that men have tacitly agreed not to compete with Calvin Klein.
