The following is excerpted from a piece that became something of an instant Internet classic following its publication after the off-year election on November 7, which saw the defeat of two-term Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania. The notoriously homophobic senator took the national spotlight when he denounced same-sex marriage in such a way that he soon acquired the nickname “Man-on-Dog Santorum.” Author-blogger Dan Savage comments here on a contest he ran to find the best definition of “santorum” as a common noun. [Ed.]
You would think I had single-handedly defeated Rick Santorum, judging by the thousands of e-mails I’ve received since the election. A small sampling:
“You toppled a senator, Dan! And while Rick Santorum may be gone, the word for the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex will live on for all time.”
“Congratulations for helping orchestrate the crushing defeat of that frothy shitmeister from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum.”
“That messy, unsatisfying, nonconsensual ass fuck of a senator is gone! I am sure your inbox will be flooded with congratulations, hopes, dreams, unicorns, and offers for sexual favors because of your huge role in publicizing what a terrorist this guy was, but I couldn’t help myself: Thank you!”
Okay, that’s enough! My head is so swollen after reading my e-mail this week that my hair is in danger of popping off.
While I appreciate the accolades, and while I recognize that most were offered with tongues planted firmly in cheeks, I can’t take credit for Rick Santorum’s crushing defeat last November. The lion’s share of the credit goes to the wise voters of Pennsylvania. (It would be churlish of me to point out that those same voters sent Santorum to the Senate in the first place—twice.) Pennsylvania voters poured into the polls to vote against the frothy mix and by doing so earned themselves the love and gratitude of a grateful nation.
The second largest share of the credit goes to Bob Casey, who beat Santorum—a sitting U.S. Senator and the number three Republican in the Senate leadership—by a whopping eighteen percentage points. Well done, Mr. Casey. And there were the activists on the ground—Democrats and progressives in Pennsylvania that worked like hell to register new voters and get everyone to the polls. I’m thinking of groups like Philadelphians Against Santorum. You guys rocked the nation last week.
But there’s a smidgen of credit I will take: I did help to make Rick Santorum into a national laughingstock—an international laughingstock (the new definition of “santorum” is known all over the world)—with an invaluable assist from Rick Santorum, of course. (And can we pause here to marvel at just how far Rick Santorum has fallen? His name—pre-punch line—was seriously tossed around as a 2008 Republican presidential prospect.)
There’s a reason why monarchs and despots used to lock up political cartoonists and satirists. Being made ridiculous, being turned into the butt of a joke—that’s politically disempowering fairy dust. It’s hard to rule when you’re not taken seriously, and it’s hard to be taken seriously after your name has been reduced to a dirty joke. Indeed, the power of satire should never be underestimated.
But even the small smidge of credit I’m claiming today needs to be shared. So let’s take a moment to thank the Savage Love reader who first suggested having a contest to rename a sex act in honor of Rick Santorum. And let’s thank the Savage Love readers who sent in so many great definitions. And finally, a big thanks to all the Savage Love readers who voted on the winning definition: “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.” And thanks to everyone who made “frothy mix” the number one result when you Google “Santorum.”
Like the substance itself, the new definition for “santorum” proved to be sticky. Too dirty to print in “family newspapers,” the new definition has nevertheless been alluded to on the pages of mainstream daily newspapers, in classy magazines like the Economist, on cable news programs, and on The Daily Show (twice!), directing hundreds of thousands of people that had never heard of my column to www.spreadingsantorum.com. Barely a week goes by that some mischievous headline writer somewhere doesn’t work “frothy” or “mix” into a header about Rick Santorum. The new definition of santorum proved irresistible because it forever associated Santorum with the sex act that so clearly obsesses him. It made sense, it had an internal logic, and smacked of poetic justice.
But the new definition’s real power is revealed in its ability to keep the heads of Santorum supporters everywhere spinning. I haven’t updated the Santorum website for more than two years now, and yet National Review’s Kathryn Jean Lopez was fuming about the new definition of santorum in a column published on Election Day: Denouncing the promulgators of this definition, she fumed: “I’m not talking about people who disagree with him on, say, the threat from Iran. I’m not talking about people who disagree with him on privatizing Social Security. I don’t mean people who disagree with him on a federal marriage amendment. I mean people who think it’s pretty funny that when you Google the senator’s name, you get a repulsive lowercase version of his last name, a word invented by sex columnist Dan Savage that refers to anal sex.”
What Ms. Lopez needs to understand is that mocking politically powerful, bigoted, sex-obsessed, deranged national figures is often the only weapon we have at our disposal. (And, yes, I’d say Rick Santorum is way more obsessed with sex than I am.) Mockery is a potent political weapon, one that Republicans are only too happy to use. Remember those Band-Aids with purple hearts on them that the party faithful wore at the GOP convention in 2004 to mock John Kerry?
And if there’s still anyone out there who feels bad for Santorum (or for his weeping children: what is it about Republicans that always makes you feel so awful for their kids?), I would direct your attention to this video clip: www.youtube.com/v/03zFTTqHScI. In an interview with CNN during the final days of the campaign, Santorum came out against—no shit—the pursuit of happiness.
The man clearly doesn’t get—never got, still doesn’t get—what this country is all about. America is a better place now that Rick Santorum has been wiped from the U.S. Senate. It’s something to celebrate—so why not whip up a little santorum with someone you love? That’s how I celebrated.
