Holding the Man
Directed by Neil Armfield
Screen Australia, et al.
WHILE Australian movies have pursued gay themes before, few until recently have dared to go much beyond hyperbole or homoeroticism. That changed last year with the release of Holding The Man—recently released in the U.S.—with its unapologetic portrayal of a true but tragic gay love story. Based on the bestselling memoir of the same name, it’s the tale of two young men who fell in love at a Catholic boys college in Melbourne in the 1970s and continued their relationship until dying from AIDS in the early 1990s. The movie captures a time and place when being gay, let alone openly gay in a relationship in high school, was unheard of.
When the book was published in 1995, it won the U.N. Human Rights Award for Nonfiction and was listed as one of 100 Favorite Australian Books by the Australian Society of Authors. Its author, Tim Conigrave, completed the text shortly before he died, having witnessed the death of his lover, John Caleo, two years earlier. Conigrave’s writing is unabashedly honest and deeply reflective—his internal dialogue is inserted in italics—and at times just plain funny. In the words of Australian journalist and author David Marr, it is “a story almost perfectly told.” It has also been adapted as a highly successful stage play in the U.S., Britain, New Zealand, and Australia. The film introduces this classic love story to a much broader and younger audience than those who read the book. A number of scenes in the movie remain with you long after you’ve seen the film. One is when Tim first asks John, “Can I kiss you?” and John replies with wry Australian reserve, “Give it a go.” Match that taciturnity with the passion and gravity of what has been called “that last homecoming fuck,” as they make love in a hospital bed while John is in the final throes of dying from AIDS. Add to those Anthony LaPaglia’s sterling performance as John’s father, who’s at a total loss to understand what has happened to his son, which he expresses not with words but with a look of bewilderment that captures a generational divide. But the film is also important for other reasons. John Caleo was not only a charming and good-looking young gay man but an outstanding player of Australian Rules Football, whose school team he captained. It may be hard for non-Australians to grasp the significance of this, but “Aussie Rules” is a national obsession—and one of the last bastions of homophobia in Australian society. In 2016, the country is still waiting for the first professional player (out of more than 800) to come out as gay. Despite official pronouncements from the game’s administrators of zero tolerance of racism and homophobia, it is almost unimaginable that someone would dare risk outing himself, given the highly macho environment surrounding the game and the intense body contact incurred in playing it. Equally amazing is the fact that forty years ago a young man defied the proscription and embraced both this sport and his homosexuality. Moreover, he was acknowledged by his peers and teachers not only for his sporting prowess but also for his leadership when they made him captain of the team. The film’s title, Holding The Man, refers to a game rule that penalizes a player if he holds or tackles another player who does not possess the ball, resulting in a free kick to the opposing team. This play on words raises the question of the penalty suffered by the protagonists in this story: Is it the sanctions imposed on them by distraught parents, a gay bashing they experienced at a country pub, or their premature death from AIDS in the early 1990s? The film is also significant for the spotlight it shines on Australia’s continued reluctance to embrace GLBT equality, despite important strides in this direction over the past few decades. With openly gay icons such as former High Court justice Michael Kirby, Olympic gold-medal-winning diver Mathew Mitcham, and ex-Green Party leader Senator Bob Brown paving the way, many Australians—especially younger ones—have come to greater acceptance of sexual minorities. In contrast, the current Australian government is still dithering as it tries to decide whether and how to legalize same-sex marriage, even though a clear majority of Australians support it. Proud of its tradition of fairness, Australia is now in the embarrassing position of lagging behind 22 other countries in granting marriage equality. Holding The Man’s overarching message is that life is precious and love between two people knows no bounds, and it is delivered with power and passion. The story transcends both homosexuality and Australia. John Caleo’s mother has received letters and cards from people all over the world telling her how much the book and the film have helped them cope with similar situations. In a radio interview last year, she said: “To help people understand the world and that we’re all not the same, we’re all born different and that’s God’s way, I think that’s wonderful. If it does that, that is terrific.” John Burbidge is the author of The Boatman: An Indian Love Story and of Dare Me! The Life and Work of Gerald Glaskin.
