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Published in: July-August 2024 issue.


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Ya Got That?  If ever a picture was worth a thousand words, this would be it, am I right? And yet, the Cerne Giant in southern England has been silent on the most basic questions: How the F did this 180-foot figure get there? And who carved it into solid rock? And when? It could go back to ancient times—those naughty Romans!—or to the Vikings, or possibly to the English Civil War. Modern science to the rescue! New dating methods have shown that the figure was carved into sediment whose layers reveal that it was created over a thousand years ago, about a century before the Norman Conquest. It was a period when the Saxons were fighting the Vikings, and “the Rude Man of Cerne” was probably carved by some Saxons after they successfully fended off their foes, sending a message that isn’t hard to interpret (an early version of the raised middle finger). That there’s something oddly “gay” about this image, a graphic message sent from one group of men to another, is a natural suspicion; let the reader decide.

And a footnote: the source of this report was the family-friendly National Geographic. Readers of a certain age may recall a time when our straight classmates would pounce on every issue, as it was the only magazine where naked breasts could be seen. It’s reassuring to know that it’s still a place where kids can learn about human anatomy, all in the service of science.

And There’s More  This is our third report on a certain family drama, but it just keeps getting better. So far we’ve learned that Moms for Liberty founder and former head Bridget Ziegler and her husband Christian, former chair of the Florida Republican Party, are heavily into three-way sex with women, and there have been many, and that it is the Ms. who’s the instigator. While Moms for Liberty has been the main driver in the national campaign to ban LGBT books from school libraries, Bridget herself doesn’t banish the sex talk in newly released texts between the Ziegler couple. It was Christian who would go to bars in search of women to bring home (according to a Sarasota Police Department report), but Bridget was calling the shots. In one message she instructs Christian to furtively photograph the ladies and send her the pics, adding: “Don’t come home until your dick is wet.” The ironies multiply when we consider that Bridget helped write the infamous “Don’t say gay” bill in Florida. It seems clear from her texts that what she’s into is not so much the threesome as getting it on with another woman, albeit with hubby in the picture. It’s not the sort of thing they teach you about in school.

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