The Choosing: A Rabbi’s Journey from
Silent Nights to High Holy Days
by Andrea Myers
Rutgers Univ. Press. 208 pages, $19.95
BORN IN QUEENS and raised on Long Island, Andrea Myers loved to ask questions as a child. No answer was ever thorough enough, and certain things were never discussed among family members. Controversy was forbidden, which ruled out topics of religion and sexuality. Religion, however, had been a kind of “family issue”: Myers’ mother was a Sicilian Catholic who had been “insulted” by the Church so Andrea and her siblings were raised in their father’s Lutheran faith.
The Myers clan was a unique and boisterous bunch. The devout grandmother lived upstairs and fiercely loved her Andrea, whose mother steadfastly stuck up for her children under any and all circumstances. Myers’ father had a dubious flair for fashion and was unabashed about appearing in public in his flashy, unconventional outfits.
With her inquisitive mind, there was no question about whether Andrea would go to college; but when it came time for her to apply, she felt boxed in. Her boyfriend remarked that if she picked a local college, they might as well “talk marriage.” But what he didn’t know—along with her family—was that Myers had been secretly dating girls for several years. Partly because of the boyfriend, Myers chose Brandeis University and left home. At college she found people who didn’t care that she was gay, and she also found a religion that seemed to answer a lot of her endless questions (even while raising more). Seeking out a beloved campus rabbi, Myers announced that she wanted to convert to Judaism and become a rabbi herself. He didn’t follow tradition by turning her away three times; instead, he welcomed her, but warned her that it wouldn’t be easy. Undaunted, Myers embraced the challenge by moving to Jerusalem to study. In so many ways, this was a decision that changed her life. Filled with wisdom, humor, and the kind of contentment that only comes when an author has found his or her rightful place in the world, The Choosing is one of those books that leaves you feeling oddly serene, as if you’ve been gently counseled at length by someone of the Cloth. Much of the appeal of this book consists of the personal stories that the author shares, starting with her quirky family, her memorable childhood experiences, her family’s acceptance of her lesbianism, and their well-meaning attempts to embrace Judaism. Myers explains why she felt the pull to leave her Lutheran roots to become a Jew and describes her struggles to weave her past and present together in a way that embraced all parts of her life. Having spent time in Jerusalem, where she studied at a yeshiva, as well as Germany, where she met her wife, she’s able to describe places and sites in the manner of a firsthand travelogue. Myers takes every opportunity to educate readers on Talmudic teachings, Jewish laws, and her own spirituality. Her writing never becomes sermon-like, however, unlike that of many religious people who deliver their lectures as if from the pulpit. Added to that, there’s plenty of humor in this book—you can almost hear the twinkle in Myers’ words—but also a certain seriousness as she points out the miraculous in the everyday. In Hebrew a mitzvah is a worthy deed, a word that could fairly be applied to this memoir. Terri Schlichenmeyer, a frequent contributor to these pages, is a freelance writer based in Wisconsin.
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