Prison Sex: The Case for Tolerance
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         Lurid media portrayals of prison suggest an environment of hypermasculinity in which gay men are especially vulnerable to brutal gang rapes and exploitation by larger and stronger inmates. Some well-publicized atrocities gained attention in the racially charged climate of the late 1960s and ’70s, as the suppression of anti-war protests and the enforcement of anti-drug laws caused large numbers of hardened, inner-city criminals, many inspired by an ideology of Black Power, to be thrown together with well-educated, white, often androgynous young men seeing the inside of a jail for the first time. This would seem like a perfect storm for sexual abuse, but studies from this era—and over time—have been fairly consistent in showing that only about one or two percent of male inmates admit to ever being raped by other inmates, although many more report hearing stories about it. This disparity suggests that these rumors constitute what anthropologist and former federal prison administrator Mark Fleisher calls “folklore” and “urban mythology” (Fleisher & Krienert, 2009).

         The Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 (PREA) was intended to address the call for reform at this time, though it does not seem to have changed the frequency of prison rape by much. What PREA has accomplished is a crackdown on all sex in prison, even when it’s completely consensual. Even before PREA, correctional officers wrote far more disciplinary reports for consensual sex and “prostitution” than for suspected rape. Crowded prisons offer minimal privacy, and those caught engaging in sexual activity may be sent into solitary confinement for extended periods, transferred to separate units to break up the relationship, or even see their parole denied based on this disciplinary infraction.

         But despite the risks and intensified surveillance, the human spirit finds a way. Sixty-seven percent of over 1,000 LGBT prisoners surveyed by Black & Pink say they have had consensual sex in prison, even though condoms were banned in 98 percent of their prisons (Lydon, 2015).

         While the prevalence of rape may be exaggerated, the threatening and coercive nature of prison itself creates gray areas of consent, not least in regard to the common practice of “trading” sex, most often for small amounts of money or commissary items, but also sometimes for “protective pairing,” a practice advised by rape victim and activist Stephen Donaldson (2004), whose pamphlet from the 1980s went so far as to teach men who had never had gay sex the basics of how to do it comfortably. This is not rape but instead a strategy whereby some men create a safe space for themselves by selecting a single strong protector, even if that man might not be their ideal sexual object in the free world. In the outside world too, some gays (and quite a few married straights) facing difficult situations use their bodies to find protection or financial security, even if not really in love.

         To gain a better sense of what prison sex is really like and how it occurs despite the best efforts of the state apparatus to repress it, I corresponded with two former inmates, both well-educated, who were first-time prisoners. They spoke on condition of anonymity. A is younger and served his time in Canada; B is older, partially disabled, and was in U.S. custody. Both were gay and vulnerable, but neither of them ever experienced any sexual force or coercion. Nevertheless, their testimony puts into focus the better climate in the more permissive Canadian penal system, with its much shorter prison terms and less homophobic environment.

         I find it significant that both inmates attested to the prison experience changing their sexual tastes and modifying their post-release behavior to become less intently focused on a narrow age-range of partners. Although these are just two cases, their testimony is consistent with other findings, including a large-scale survey of sexual minorities in prison undertaken by the William A. Percy Foundation (of which I am president). The potential of a more permissive sexual regime in prison to be therapeutic for sex offenders (the most rapidly growing category of inmate) merits further investigation. One can readily see its utility in teaching rapists how to negotiate consent or child sex offenders to recalibrate their attraction to partners closer to their own age. Forcible sexual abstention only bottles up sexual urges into the realm of pure fantasy, where even the most forbidden acts are given free rein to obsess and torment the imagination.

 

Thomas K. Hubbard: Were you readily perceived as “gay” by other prisoners? How did they find out? Did your sexuality in any way gain you more respect or better treatment by other prisoners?

A: My reputation of “pedophile” preceded me when I arrived in jail. The media had talked about my arrest (as part of a big sting operation), and inmates quickly identified me. So I was not perceived as gay but as pedo, which is a million times worse obviously. People didn’t suspect I was also gay, because I didn’t fit gay stereotypes. However, when people learned that I was having sex with another inmate (which was very unusual in our wing), I believe it actually benefited my reputation. I was no longer categorized as purely “pedo” but as a gay guy.

B: I was not about to go back into the closet after many years living openly, so I was truthful about being gay. Many already knew about me from news reports before I arrived. Some inmates asked me directly.

 

TKH: Did you experience any explicit homophobia from other inmates?

A: Quebec is a very gay-friendly place, and for the most part there was no homophobia in my wing. My seventy-year-old cellmate became less friendly after he learned about the gay sex I was having. Otherwise, I didn’t get any negative feedback from anyone about it.

B: I saw a lot of homophobia in prison. In the first prison where I was, an Afghan jihadist told me: “We kill people like you in my country.” He made repeated death threats against me. He repeatedly begged guards to move him to another unit, but they refused. Later, he beat me unconscious, and bragged to others afterwards that he “fucked up the fag.” At another prison, an officer denied me any phone calls, including to my elderly parents, for two months, because I put a photo of a shirtless man in shorts inside my locker. At another prison, officers repeatedly ripped down photos I had of adult shirtless men, even when they did not take action against inmates who had photos of women in bikinis. One officer said I violated the prohibition of showing “bare breasts.”

    There were too many homophobic incidents to recall. When I complained to a higher level prison officer about one extremely hostile inmate calling me “faggot” repeatedly, she told me: “You need to develop a thicker skin. You’re in prison now, so don’t expect people to ride to your rescue.” She took no action, and the insults continued daily until that inmate left at the end of his sentence. I saw quite a few lesbian officers, but I did not see any of them challenge the pervasive homophobia among the inmates.

 

TKH: Did other prisoners approach you for sex, or did you approach them? What was their method of determining whether you were interested, or vice versa?

A: I had sex with only one other prisoner. Sex was not at all in the culture of our wing. But one day a cute young man was transferred to our wing. He talked loudly and was annoying to many people (including myself at first). Eventually he asked in his usual loud manner: “So who gives blowjobs here?” Although it was said in a joking tone, it was pretty clear that he meant what he said. He even went on to explain that he had spent three years in another prison and that it was the norm over there to find a sexual partner. I didn’t wait long. I thought he was pretty cute and immediately told him I’d be interested to hear more about his experience at that other prison, thus subtly letting him know about my interest. But it actually took some time before we did anything sexual. That is because, even though he had initiated the sex talk and usually acted like a tough and confident guy, it turns out that he was a bit shy and insecure about having sex. So I had to put some gentle pressure on him, and after about one week of subtle flirting, we finally had our first sex.

B: I did not approach other prisoners for sex, but quite a few quietly approached me after they found out I was gay. Some would ask: “Do you have kids? Are you married?” If I said no, they would ask, “Are you gay?” If I said yes, their next question was, “Do you want to suck my cock?” Some would silently come up to my bunk at night when everyone was asleep, pull out their cock and put it in my mouth.

TKH: Where did it take place? How did you escape detection from other inmates and guards?

A: We had sex in the cell of a friend, the very last one in the wing and thus furthest away from the main block door through which the guards come to do their random (more or less hourly) inspections. There was enough distance between that room and the main block door so that we had time to get dressed and “act normal” after receiving a warning from my friend that the guards were coming for their inspection. It’s not clear to me exactly why we even feared being caught by the guards. To my knowledge, sex in jail is not punished in any way—you can even buy condoms when you do your weekly groceries! But I guess what we feared was that the guards would suspect that we were doing some other, actually illegal activity—like taking drugs or alcohol. (To clarify: we used a towel to cover the door glass so that people couldn’t see inside our cell. So when people saw the towel, they knew we wanted to be left alone. Usually, people put up a towel when they’re taking a crap—but people can also do this when they take drugs or alcohol or are having a fight.) I personally didn’t care much about other inmates finding out. As I said earlier, it actually helped my reputation when people found out, and that’s precisely what I expected would happen.

B: It is hard to have privacy in prison, but sometimes I had a cell all to myself, or with a cellmate who was away at work. Those who wanted sex would come inside to visit, and after the guard made his round, we would do it. A few inmates gave massages in their cells, and somehow convinced the guards not to interfere. Others would sneak inside my cell at night after the guard had made his regular rounds. Other times I would visit another man in his cell. A few guards would let us stay in another cell during lockdown, and then we had privacy. It was difficult to find privacy when I did not have a cell, but sometimes at night we would hook up in the showers or toilet stalls when no one was around.

 

TKH: What can you tell us about the demographics of the men interested in sex with other men in prison? Did many of them identify as gay or bisexual in their previous life, or did they rationalize sex with men in prison as a situational necessity? Did the concept of being on the “down low” come up?

A: I only had sex with one other inmate, who was a young man (about 23 or 24), Caucasian, and identified as bisexual. Although he had a girlfriend outside and even a daughter, he had also worked as a stripper in a gay club. So he was very comfortable with his sexual identity.

B: Of the people I knew who identified as gay or bisexual, either I was not attracted to them or they were not attracted to me. Almost everyone I had sex with was either African-American, Native American, or Latino. None of them identified as gay or bi. I only heard one African-American say he was “on the down low.” The vast majority said nothing about their orientation; they were just wanting and wanting sex. Most did not want to talk about it, but they had nothing against me being openly gay, and they did not put up a homophobic cover. On the contrary, they could be quite affectionate. A few told me they wished I could be their “bitch.” At first, I found this term sexist and demeaning, but they said it so affectionately I eventually took it as a compliment. They did not mean it in a demeaning way in the least.

 

TKH: Would you say that the availability of willing gay inmates for voluntary sex reduced tension within the social micro-ecology of your prison unit? How do you respond to the argument of penal authorities that it may fuel disputes and create problems for prison discipline?

B: PREA notices were posted all around, and if rape was formerly a problem, maybe that reduced it. But I doubt it, because I never even heard of any kind of coercion in the least. I think the whole BOP [Bureau of Prisons] official line was propaganda to cover their suppression of voluntary sexual behavior. The official line is that consensual sex among prisoners is forbidden. I saw lovers separated and sent to different housing units because they were discovered having sex in their cell. They could hardly see each other. It was very sad seeing them separated and lonely for each other. Not allowing men to have a sexual outlet is cruel and unusual punishment. It goes against all our biology. When men’s sex is repressed, violence and mental illness are the sure result. Suppression of consensual sex, combined with rampant homophobia, is what fuels disputes and creates problems. If the guards would leave couples alone and conduct homophobia reduction classes like the U.S. Military does, there would be a lot fewer problems in prison. Instead, the official policy just reinforces inmates’ homophobia. It is a pity officials would not allow condoms, because I’m sure the lack thereof made for disease transmission. I talked with several prison doctors, who all agreed that condoms should be available, but the wardens would not allow them.

 

TKH: Did your sexual experience in prison in any way change you or your orientation after release?

A: It did to a degree. I used to see myself as exclusively hebephile and ephebophile, i.e. only attracted to pre-teen and teen boys. I tried having sex with men in their early twenties a few times in my life, but I was never able to deeply enjoy it, and so I had concluded that I was exclusively “minor-attracted.” But my experience in jail actually made me realize that I can be attracted to some young adult men and enjoy sex with them. The intensity of the attraction and the sexual pleasure is much lower than for teenagers, but it is still real and something I can pursue.

B: Before I came to prison, I had a very particular body type I was attracted to (no beard, little body hair, between eighteen and thirty). After years in prison, because one has to get sex at any opportunity one can, I find that my preferred body type is greatly expanded. Now I am attracted to lots of types, including men with beards, hairy, older up to seventy, etc. For those who were previously attracted to minors, I think the prison authorities should do everything they can to encourage them to be sexual with other adult men. Instead, they try in every way they can to suppress sex. This shows the professed goal of “protecting children” is less important to them than suppressing sex generally.

 

References

Bacak, V., Thurman, K., et al. “Incarceration as a Health Determinant for Sexual Orientation and Gender Minority Persons.” American Journal of Public Health 108.8 (2018).

Donaldson, S. “Hooking Up: Protective Pairing for Punks.” In N. Scheper-Hughes & P. Bourgois (eds.), Violence in War and Peace: An Anthology. Blackwell, 2004.

Fleisher, M.S. & Krienert, J. L. The Myth of Prison Rape: Sexual Culture in American Prisons. Rowman & Littlefield, 2009.

Hubbard, T.K. “LGBT Americans and the Criminal Justice System.” In Stewart, C., editor, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Americans at Risk: Problems and Solutions. Praeger, 2018.

Kunzel, R. Criminal Intimacy: Prison and the Uneven History of Modern American Sexuality. University of Chicago Press, 2008.

Lydon, J., et al. Coming Out of Concrete Closets. Black & Pink 2015.