“A Gay Wedding?” I asked Gerd in German. It was late April; we had just ordered our suits – comparable blue ones, mine blue with a silver vest and his blue gray – and we were discussing plans for our July wedding in our apartment in Berlin where we had lived together for the past four months.

I debate with myself, back and forth, for a week, and now I have to choose one photograph to give to the designer. All three elegant black and white photos in front of me are beautiful shots with lovely dramatic lighting, great contrast. …