Once a Girl, Always a Boy: A Family Memoir of a Transgender Journey
by Jo Ivester
She Writes Press. 328 pages, $16.95
AUTHOR Jo Ivester, the mother of a transgender son, Jeremy (originally Emily), has written an intimate account of her child’s life. Once a Girl, Always a Boy is her personal narrative of Jeremy’s transition and journey—what he went through both emotionally and physically—with Jeremy’s own perspective provided from transcriptions of his his video diaries. Jeremy’s transition from female to male was obviously life-changing, but it also changed the lives of his family members. The transition itself was difficult and stressful—some forty percent of transgender teens commit suicide—but Jeremy was fortunate to have a supportive family, which made it far less traumatic.
In many ways this book parallels Becoming Nicole, a memoir by Amy Ellis Nutt, which was about Kelly and Wayne Maines as they struggled with, and came to embrace, their transgender child Wyatt en route to becoming Nicole.
Jeremy Ivester was born as Emily in 1989 and grew up in Austin, Texas. He always played with the boys, wore boys’ clothes, and played football. He excelled at football, even as the only perceived girl on the team. He was considered a tomboy, as his mother had also been, she admits. For this reason, her daughter’s behavior didn’t seem all that out of the ordinary. But then puberty happened, and his nonconformity started to become a problem. Here we witness Jeremy’s struggles with the changes in his appearance. “I hate every single thing that’s happening to my body, the softer curves, my breasts.” He refused to dress as a girl and continued to wear basketball shorts and T-shirts, putting his hair in a pony-tail and pretending it didn’t exist.
Worried over his apparent lack of interest in dating prompted his mother to ask Jeremy if he was gay. He was shocked by the question, wondering how she could possibly think that. He came to realize: “Calling myself a tomboy no longer captured it. I really want to be one of the boys, not just be like them.” His lack of sexual feelings toward both males and females sent him on a search for answers. Discovering the website Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), he determined that he might be asexual, solving the mystery of his lack of sexual desire. Later, he saw an MTV episode of True Life called “I’m Changing My Sex” and was mesmerized: “Whoa! Could people really do that? Was that even possible?” The episode’s plotline revolved around a female-to- male transition and focused on the protagonist’s top surgery as a major turning point. Post-surgery, life as a gender-confirmed male could be rich and fulfilling! At last Jeremy could construct a vision of himself as a male, and he knew what he needed to do.
His decision to have top surgery was an emotional one for him and his mother, who was at his side the entire time. For Jo, it was painful: “Was it really okay that she was chopping off her breasts?” Soon after that, Jeremy was ready to transition fully. He began testosterone hormonal therapy to catalyze the change to manhood. He freely admitted that it was “a matter of how I look more than who I am. My gender expression rather than my gender identity. For the first time, I would be Jeremy the man, not Emily the androgynous person. I would be free!” He then took the final steps to legally change his name to Jeremy Andrew Ivestor. His parents were with him in court for the hearing.
This book is about Jeremy’s transition and his family’s growth in understanding and acceptance, but it’s also the story of the Ivestors role in becoming advocates for transgender rights. Once a Girl, Always a Boy is a story of an intimate journey that informs the cisgender world about the complexities of gender identity and the importance of familial and social acceptance.
William Burton is a writer based in Provincetown, Mass.
