My Huckleberry Friend: The relocated Whitney Museum opened in Manhattan last May in a blaze of glory, but not without a note of disharmony when a sculpture that had been commissioned for its outdoor plaza failed to materialize. The work by Charles Know Your Equipment: Women in same-sex relationships have better sex than their hetero- or bisexual counterparts, according to an Indiana University study of 6,500 men and women between ages 21 and 65. The study found that lesbians reach orgasm on average 75 percent of the time when having sex with a familiar partner, compared to 63 percent for straight women. The study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, ventured that “One possible explanation is that … lesbian women are more comfortable and familiar with the female body and thus, on average, are better able to induce orgasm in their female partners.” One is reminded of the Seinfeld episode in which Elaine tried to “convert” a gay man and lamented that she was at a sexual disadvantage: “Being a woman, I only really have access to the equipment, what, thirty, forty minutes a week, and that’s on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment and have access to it 24 hours a day?” Ain’t it the truth? Heterosexuals are forever doomed to be divided by that existential fact of anatomy. Call it the homosexual revenge. Right This Way, Sailor! If the above explanation sounds farfetched, consider this well-publicized incident. Late last year, Sweden was alarmed to discover that a Russian submarine had entered its territorial waters and remained there for some time. 
Ray was titled Huck and Jim and depicted Mark Twain’s legendary characters as colossal figures—Jim was to be nine feet tall—in the nude. It’s hard to see how the piece could have escaped controversy: there’s the fact that Huck is fifteen years old, that Jim is a large black man and Huck a small, white boy, and did we mention that they’re totally nude? Still, things were going fine until someone noticed that the sculpture would be visible to casual passersby on the High Line who had no intention of visiting the museum. Not wanting to offend, the Whitney offered to bring the sculpture inside; Ray refused. In fact, the sculptor was so incensed that he declined to complete the work, which is currently languishing in Santa Monica, CA. What’s unfinished about the piece isn’t entirely clear. It would be snarky to point out that there’s not a jar of grease in sight, but naïve to deny that enough racial stereotypes and prison dramas have passed under the bridge since Huckleberry Finn was published to dictate a different narrative altogether.
That’s Amore! Two Italian acrobats, both of them male, got engaged on national TV in a moment that stunned the nation. It happened on the show Italy’s Got Talent after Les Farfadais, a troupe of acrobatic dancers, finished a routine to the song “The 
Power of Love.” Once the daring young men on the flying trapeze had alit, one of them got down on bended knee and asked the other for his hand in marriage, the latter accepted, and the couple kissed on stage. What could be more traditional? As luck would have it, Italy doesn’t recognize same-sex marriages, though the mayor of Rome married sixteen couples last October in defiance of Italian law. The live audience cheered the acrobatic couple on, and doubtless some viewers wondered how those outfits might come into play when the couple consummated their betrothal later that night.
Gay Crossing Ahead: The city of Vienna wants to increase pedestrian awareness and safety, so they’ve installed “Walk” and “Wait” signals that feature images of same-sex couples. This comes at a time when Germany is racing to install more “female” signals to address criticism that manly shapes have predominated for too long. So, if Walk and Wait signals can send a political 
message, why not send a message of GLBT inclusiveness? But why now, and why Vienna? Some people couldn’t help but notice that Vienna would be hosting the titanically popular Eurovision contest this year, and this could be a great way to show Germany how it’s done. Or maybe the country they had in mind was Russia, that perennial Eurovision powerhouse, the country that everyone loves to hate (and laugh at). One source of contempt is Russia’s recent crackdown on GLBT rights and its suppression of gay-related words and images (“homosexual propaganda”). So what better way to express this contempt than by placing same-sex couples right where people can’t look away? Make them ubiquitous enough, and Russian visitors taking selfies won’t be able to avoid carrying these images back home!
What to do in response? Sweden doesn’t belong to NATO, and its military outlay can’t exactly match Russia’s bloated budget. So Sweden devised a response in the form of a transmitter and video display whose message was tailor-made for this enemy, distinguished by extreme fear and loathing toward anything “gay.” The device was lowered into the ocean where the submarine had lurked, whereupon it proceeded to broadcast in Morse Code: “This way if you are gay.” Pictured on the monitor was a neon “Dancing Sailor” whose hips gyrated provocatively, along with the words, “Welcome to Sweden. Gay Since 1944” (the year in which Sweden legalized homosexuality). No word on whether the Russian sub has re-entered these newly treacherous waters.
