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Published in: March-April 2019 issue.

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Deep Learning Scientists in Britain have created a machine that uses artificial intelligence (AI) to perform the perfect blow job. The development of “Autoblow” follows the publication of a paper titled “Analysis of Movement in Oral Sex Performed Upon Men,” based on 108 hours of nonstop blow job videos. The device uses a sleeve that slides up and down the penis to simulate human lips and mouth. What’s unique is the use of AI to learn through observation and neural network analysis the best techniques for getting the job done. Commented one of the developers: “We use quantization techniques to discover sixteen distinct motions, and using these motions we design and evaluate a system that procedurally generates realistic movement sequences using deep learning.” All this precision for what we thought was one of life’s sloppier activities! Which is perhaps the point: to make it less sloppy and more like the best you’ve ever had. Autoblow will sell for $249 and has a number of different settings, and of course it will be adjustable for length and girth. Capital was raised through crowdfunding for its development, and a record was broken when $190,000 rolled in, suggesting that there are a lot of guys out there who want to get their hands on this device—or free up their hands for other purposes (fast forwarding?).