Not long ago, I wrote in these pages about issues facing the Bangladesh GLBT community (“Activism Struggling to be Born,” Nov.-Dec. 2013), having worked there for many years. When I returned to the UK last year, I wondered how much British Asians identified with these problems and what others they have to deal with.
British Asians live between two worlds. Most are second- or third-generation, born in the UK rather than abroad. But much of their cultural heritage is fixed firmly in India, Pakistan, or Bangladesh and is thus quite foreign to Britain. Most still have family in Asia, and some British Asian men will go back to marry a woman chosen by their family and bring her back to the UK. But in these countries of South Asia, homosexuality is taboo, if not actually illegal. According to The Sunday Times last year, a recent poll in Pakistan found that only two percent of the population believed homosexuality should be accepted by society. A Gallup poll in Britain in 2009 found that none of the 500 British Muslims interviewed believed that homosexuality was “morally acceptable.” In India, section 377—a law from the days of British rule making homosexuality illegal—was thrown out by a high court ruling in 2009 but then reinstated by the Supreme Court in 2013, leaving a trail of legal confusion. Thus Asian Brits who are gay live in a country that’s broadly tolerant but tend to come from families and communities that frown on their sexual orientation.
Not surprisingly, this leads to distress and even psychological damage for many British Asian GLBT people. Research by Dr. Rusi Jaspal of the Department of Psychology at Royal Holloway, University of London, looked into the lives of gay British Asian men of Pakistani origin and found that this divided identity is a huge issue that can produce serious psychological problems, especially for those trying to be gay and Muslim. Most of his participants in interviews felt guilty and believed they were doing something wrong. While some rejected their Islamic faith to reconcile this contradiction, others struggled to meld the two. Fear of physical violence and even “honor killings” have led some to keep their sexual orientation a secret.
But things are not all doom and gloom. Little by little, gay British Asians are feeling more confident and safer about coming out. Slowly, this community is becoming more visible. I talked with three men who are active in the UK with promoting acceptance of the gay people in Asian society and awareness of the issues of living between multiple cultures. Bobby Tiwana (BT, below), with a Punjabi Sikh background, is a cultural activist who creates live performances and is currently producing a play about same-sex love in Asian communities. His work evolved out of a project involving interviewing British Asian gays and lesbians to record their story. This led to his blog, Safar (which means “journey” in Hindi), and to continuing work to demystify taboos and make these stories culturally visible. Bobby’s partner, Dr. Abhi Shetty (AS), a Hindu born in Bangalore who moved to the UK ten years ago, is a consulting psychiatrist. Khakan Qureshi (KQ), a Muslim, is the founder of Finding a Voice, a Birmingham group that meets in the heart of the city and welcomes people of any faith, background, or disability.
Ken Powell: Bobby, why did you create the Safar project and were you surprised by what you heard?
BT: I was inspired by a visit to Bangalore in 2011 when I met a group of educated, middle-class gay men who had come out openly and yet enjoyed good relationships with their families. I wanted to see such openness in the UK. I interviewed a number of GLBT people in 2012 because I felt the stories needed to be heard, and Safar is part of this. Sowing the seeds that “we exist” in the media is so important. I found such a strong sense of survival from the interviewees, of resilience, and of making lives work. People need to see this. It is important to create positive role models and for gay British Asians to realize that even holding hands with someone is activism.
There were many surprises. The single largest group who contacted me were gay Muslim women. I interviewed a couple of women living together in Coventry—one is a Sikh and the other a Muslim. Traditionally, these are two completely separate communities yet they are in a relationship together and living peacefully in the same street as the Sikh’s family. Similarly, I met a Bangladeshi Muslim woman wearing a hijab who talked of liking blond women! We see a veiled woman and imagine what she must be thinking, but this woman turned that notion on its head.
KP: We tend to think of Islam being against homosexuality. Is it possible for gay British Muslims to retain their faith? What about non-Muslims?
KQ: Of course, there are those in life who give up the faith completely and seem to accept or acknowledge that being Muslim and gay is not permissible in the Qu’ran. But there are GLBT Muslim people who come together in a charitable organization called Imaan, based in London, for social activities, retreats, conferences, and workshops in an attempt to seek answers about how their sexual orientation fits in with Islam. In my own organization we have Sikhs, Muslims, atheists, and agnostics, and we discuss the problems of faith. The key issues faced by gay Asians—and gay Muslims in particular—concern the question of how you can be both Muslim and gay, feelings of guilt that one’s sexual desires are “haram” (forbidden), and dual discrimination of Islamophobia and homophobia.
BT: Activities like going to the temple in the past were cultural identifiers and important elements of my socialization, but I’m not a religious Sikh and don’t feel that religion is a major issue. I have to admit though that, despite being an active voice for British Asian GLBT communities and living in a liberal country, I’m not entirely open about my sexual orientation with my family.
AS: Religion is not the issue so much as the sociocultural context is. The problem with coming out is talking about sex. Openly discussing gay relationships is a problem because any talk of sex is taboo.
KP: If talk of sex is taboo, are British Asians able to tell their families about being gay? Have you told your families and friends?
BT: My dad hasn’t been told explicitly, but my mum has, and she struggles with it.
AS: I don’t feel able to talk about Bobby in group family gatherings back in India despite feeling able to mention him with individual members. But when I’ve come out, I’ve experienced acceptance and tolerance on the whole. Some people are a little ignorant but I find that if I educate them, they quickly become more positive. Your confidence matters; a lot of it has to do with the fear that resides inside us.
BT: Yes, people are out to different degrees depending on how accepted they feel. It’s easier to come out once you’ve moved away from your home town.
KQ: I am working with Pakistani Muslim men who are still being persecuted, fleeing from homes, or are being abused or intimidated by parents, family members, and even the extended family. There are many who still wish to remain silent or continue to have sex with men but do not wish to identify as gay or bisexual. Those I have spoken to say that they’ve experienced severe anxiety and depression, attempted suicide, considered marrying a woman to “save face” and family honor, or refused to come out to family even though they may have a partner who’s introduced as a “close friend.”
KP: Do British Asian LGBTs feel pressured by their families to marry? I’ve heard about marriages of convenience (MoCs) in which a gay man and lesbian woman will marry to appease their families while allowing their true gay relationships to continue. Is this true?
BT: MoC marriages are advertised blatantly on the website for the popular Saathi Night in Birmingham. But many in the community are angered by MoCs because they perpetuate the problems of acceptance and visibility.
KQ: In London the community is fairly open, but in other parts of the UK the gay Muslim community is still closeted. Saathi was set up for South Asian GLBT people. But in the last few years, it has become more appealing to the heterosexual community. In some sense, this is pressing or pushing the intended original audience to retreat back “into the closet.” This is also leading to fear of coming out, reprisals, an increase in homophobic attacks, and a rise in MoCs.
KP: What is the situation for the GLBT community in India following the reinstating of Section 377?
AS: During those three years when section 377 was repealed, we saw some amazing discussion in India in a public media which was very sympathetic. The Bangalore Queer Film Festival in just a few years has gone from nothing to over seventy films. Well-known directors, producers, and writers came out as gay. But now the reversal of section 377 puts their future in jeopardy. And what does it mean for those of us who are openly gay here but want to visit family in India? It is a real worry.
KP: Is now the moment for British Asian gays to be accepted in British Asian society?
BT: Yes! But lack of visibility is still a real issue. There’s a lot more work to do yet, but there are beacons of hope. I believe it will reach critical mass sooner rather than later.
Ken Powell is author of Sonali’ (2014) and of the forthcoming Try Not to Laugh: How to Revise, Memorise and Survive Exams.
