O Lucky Man!

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We’ve followed Aaron Schock over the years, and now he’s back, possibly for the last time. For those who need a refresher, Schock is the former Republican Congressman from Ohio who voted against LGBT rights, posed shirtless for Men’s Health, worked out at a gay gym, and remodeled his D.C. office to resemble a Downton Abbey interior. The totally not gay congressman was later busted for financial shenanigans that forced him to resign from the House and face 24 counts of wire fraud, mail fraud, theft of government money, making false statements, and filing false documents. He was facing some serious jail time, but all at once the case against him has collapsed—and the titanic irony is that it’s all because of his sexual orientation! The reason he needed all that money, after all, was in order to pursue his fabulous lifestyle—the fancy cars, the glam vacations, the Downton Abbey office—which is what tipped off the Justice Department that Schock just might be gay. So they embarked on an in-depth investigation into his personal life to find out if the rumors were true. And that’s where the prosecutors went astray. The case is being thrown out because investigators acted inappropriately, and perhaps illegally, when they delved into Schock’s private sex life. So a deal has been struck that will allow Schock to pay a fine, stay out of jail, and continue crunching those abs.

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